


Enough white lies to ice a wedding cake

by SquaresAreNotCircles



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Getting Together, Humor, M/M, stella williams appears for exactly one line, this is kind of the pretending to be a couple trope but turned on its head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25465762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquaresAreNotCircles/pseuds/SquaresAreNotCircles
Summary: Steve is at his dad’s old home desk, typing an email to aunt Deb, when Danny announces his presence by dramatically slamming the front door open. “Steve,” he demands, a frantic edge to his voice, “we need to have sex. Pronto.”Or: Danny needs Steve’s help. It’s extremely serious.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 24
Kudos: 351





	Enough white lies to ice a wedding cake

**Author's Note:**

> Still more old fic! The title is taken from a line in the biography of Margot Asquith, which I have not read, and by skimming her Wikipedia page I get the impression that she probably wasn’t a very pleasant person and I wouldn’t particularly want to read it anyway, but she did write some clever words that I will gleefully rip out of context to mean something wildly different than she probably intended.

Steve is at his dad’s old home desk, typing an email to aunt Deb, when Danny announces his presence by dramatically slamming the front door open. “Steve,” he demands, a frantic edge to his voice, “we need to have sex. Pronto.”

Steve goes down a list, in that moment. One: he checks his own living room ceiling surreptitiously for hidden cameras. Two: he tries very hard to figure out if there’s any chance at all that it’s April 1st, somehow, in the middle of September. Three: he looks Danny up and down for signs of drunkenness, drugs, or being a figment of shockingly vivid, randomly horny imagination. He finds none of these things.

So instead of saying any of the words actually going through his mind (mostly variations of _God, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this_ and _okay! top or bottom?_ ), he settles for the more boring but far safer questions that many people in his situation would probably go for. “What? Why?”

“To save my life,” Danny says, still with a high level of drama, but apparently with enough of a sense of his surroundings regained that he remembers to close the door behind him. He stalks across the room until he reaches the back and comes to a stop in front of Steve’s desk. He plants his fists on the edge of it, leaning in. “This is a matter of life or death.”

Steve, still sitting, looks up at him. He carefully closes his laptop, because he’s already pretty sure he doesn’t want to give aunt Deb a detailed account of this conversation. “I heard you the first time. Since when is a lack of sex fatal?”

“Since I’m a bad liar and my sister will find out,” Danny says, and winces.

Steve watches in complete bewilderment and reconsiders his judgment about the involvement of alcohol or drugs. “Your sister?” he repeats, for want of anything more intelligent to say.

“Yes. Keep up, babe.”

“I’m trying, but you’re not making this easy.”

“Stella,” Danny says, a little fond, a little miserable, a little like the way wizards in Harry Potter hiss Voldemort’s name. “She’s coming for a visit next week and she’s going to ask you about it. Mark my words.”

Finally, Steve feels he has a decent picture of the issue. Now he can start thinking in solutions. “Alright. So can’t I just back you up and tell her whatever you said is true, if she asks at all?”

“ _If_ she- You know, it’s never been more apparent that you don’t know how big families work.” Before Steve can open his mouth to defend himself (he has a sister, and he’s reasonably sure Mary never asked Danny if he was having sex with Steve, or at least he really _hopes_ -) Danny adds, a little more subdued and extending a vaguely apologetic hand, “But yeah, I guess that should work. Thank you.”

Steve nods. “You’re welcome.”

Danny withdraws his hand. He claps it together with his other one. “Okay. Problem solved. I’ll just- I’ll just be going then, I guess.”

“Sure,” Steve says, because that makes sense. “Or-”

Danny turns his head and looks straight at him, electric blue right up against Steve’s soul. “Or?”

There is something unexpectedly hopeful contained within that one word that trips Steve up. He was just going to offer Danny a beer, but that doesn’t seem like enough all of a sudden. “We could just do it. Then, you know, you wouldn’t have to lie.”

He wonders how he went from offering a drink to offering his body. Then again, he once got a silver medal in long jump in middle school. He’s always been good at big leaps.

Danny might be wondering the same thing, because he looks and sounds pretty perplex. “That would also fix the problem, yes.”

Which, really, that’s offensive. Steve is not the one who just walked into someone’s home and told them to drop their pants to build a solid base for his lie. “What, you don’t want to? You were the one who told her we were already doing it.” Another, perhaps more poignant thought occurs to Steve. “Wait, why did you tell your sister we’re sleeping together?”

“I was just covering for you when she asked if you were single. I was doing you a favor.” Danny seems to have gotten over his surprise pretty quick. “But let’s not talk about my sister right now. We have a busy day ahead.”

“ _Day_?”

“Doing something well takes time.”

Steve finally gets up from the desk chair, but Danny is already halfway across the room on his way to the stairs. “Hey now,” Steve calls after him, “I’m not a thing.”

Danny halts and looks over his shoulder for a moment, seemingly surprised Steve isn’t right behind him, and then circles back around and puts both of his hands on Steve’s shoulders. “Look. I promise to still respect you in the morning. I’ll be very gentle.”

“Okay,” Steve says, after a moment of deliberation that definitely doesn’t have anything to do with struggling to keep his poker face when he’s one blink from Danny away from cracking up. “I guess that’s alright then. But just the tip.”

Danny stares at him, aghast. “ _You’re_ just-” he says, but cuts himself off just in time, realizing that comeback doesn’t work at all. 

“What?” Steve asks, curious to see where Danny will take this. He’s not sure he wants to be sweet-talked, but asking a guy to put aside a letter he was writing to his aunt to help you out with a family emergency by having sex with you and then immediately insulting him would be a pretty bold move, too.

“Standing there,” Danny says. Danny ignores that he was a big part of why Steve was staying in place because he was keeping him right there by the shoulders, and turns and heads for the stairs again. “You’re just standing there. Come on, let’s get going. Chop, chop.” 

With a little encouragement from Danny, Steve gets going in more than one way. 

*

It takes one car ride to the airport, one dinner where they’re joined by Grace and Charlie and two drinks after Charlie has been put to bed and Grace has withdrawn to her room with her phone, and then Stella is giving her opinion, loudly. 

“I can’t believe you told me you were banging this guy. You filthy _liar_.” She cackles, and it strikes fear into Steve’s heart. “You’re basically engaged to him. You want to marry him and have his babies.”

“What? No, I don’t,” Danny says, frowning, and that’s when Steve realizes, for the first time, just how terrible of a liar Danny really is. But fair’s fair: Steve also has some serious trouble making up excuses for the grin stuck on his face over the next twenty-four hours.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please don't try this at home. If you want, you could try to leave a comment, though! They brighten my days. ❤
> 
> I’m on Tumblr as [itwoodbeprefect](https://itwoodbeprefect.tumblr.com), or with my exclusively H50 (and mostly McDanno) sideblog as [five-wow](https://five-wow.tumblr.com).


End file.
